I’m on a roll again, please bear with me! I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged….but I simply don’t tend to come on unless I have something to say!
Disclaimer: This may come across as a load of poo.
Today, the topic is manners. Everyone has them, good, bad and everything in between.
My question is quite simple.
Why, when good manners cost nothing, is being rude and vulgar becoming the ‘done thing’?!
My theory?? Technology. More and more people are using it, and with it losing the ability to determine reactions to what they say. Technology supplies an anonymity, a freedom to say whatever the heck you like, without fear of the consequences. Look I’m even doing it now! It provides distance, while still providing the ability to communicate. As humans have evolved our very existence has depended on the ability to interact, we are an extremely sociable species, it provides the very fabric of our being. But I begin to wonder. With all the technological advancements we have made in the past century, is it coming at a price? Are we in fact advancing in technology, but ‘de-evolving’ as a species. Isolated from each other, there are more and more cases, of depression, anxiety, social phobias. Is this a result of our now distanced approach. Take parenting for example (I use it because it’s relevant to me as a parent); Up until technology suddenly made huge advancements, it was taken for granted that your baby cried, you would pick it up, cuddle it, kiss, feed it, nurture it. The only advice given was to follow your baby’s needs.
Take a look at today’s advice ‘experts’;
In order to be a ‘good’ parent you must;
- Not let your baby manipulate you. Their crying is a form of control. God forbid they actually NEED to be held, etc. No obviously they’re just trying to manipulate you and wrap you round their little finger, and this must be stopped.
- They must sleep in their cot. Co-sleeping is absolutely dangerous and you may kill your baby.
- Use bottles – it is absolutely the only way fathers can bond with their baby.
- Use dummy’s – you must not under any circumstances let your baby use you as a pacifier or you’ll never be able to wean them off it you know.
- Let your baby CIO – It’s the ONLY way they will learn to fall asleep by themselves and self soothe (Ironically the person who wrote the books does not condone leaving your baby to CIO under any circumstances and has since re-edited his books)
As you and I both know, the above advice is complete and utter bollocks. But the people giving out this advice are people like HV’s and doctors, even pediatricians. GP’s have an hour coverage of breastfeeding in their training. That’s it.
But a lot of people believe this advice, and why? Because we are so isolated from each other, unless you go to third world countries, like Africa, it is very rare you will see another breastfeeding mother, or babywearing etc. Everything that is the ‘norm’ over there, and guess what. They don’t tend to have any technology over there! But what about us? We’re constantly waiting for the next new gadget, baby bouncers, that vibrate and play music, cot mobiles, baby monitors, pushchairs, bottle warmers, all of which we apparently need and HAVE to have otherwise we’re not parenting right. We don’t tend to really ask advice anymore, extended families are becoming a thing of the past, and parents are expected to just get on with it with minimal input from anyone else. What happened to the saying ‘It takes a community to raise a child’ I’m not saying parents shouldn’t take responsibility for their children, far from it, but the rules need to be reinforced by everyone else too without fear of it coming back at them. How many times have you seen an older child doing something stupid/dangerous and not done anything because you don’t know their parents? This never used to be an issue!
Anyway, I may have gone off on a tangent there but it doesn’t make the point any less valid. People rely on technology to communicate. I can put my hand up right now and say I rely on technology, can’t imagine my life without it, but is that healthy?? Definitely not. The amount of people I see when I’m out with my partner constantly on their phones, texting, listening to music, is ridiculous. I go the cinema, everyone has their phones out, updating Facebook, twitters, whatever the latest social networking site is these days.
What happened to socializing with the people around you? Of say ‘Hi’ to a stranger and starting a random conversation, so much potential to meet new people and it’s all passed up for the latest fad. It’s not only annoying. It’s downright rude, as god forbid anyone may actually need your attention for something, they are likely to get their head ripped off as you are concentrating on what you’re doing, oblivious to the world and people around you.
Then there’s when you’re at home, the one time ironically you’re likely to speak to strangers. Not always a bad thing, I know a lot of fantastic people online, and they have got me through some very tough times, and I will be eternally grateful. And, if it wasn’t for technology I wouldn’t have my wonderful partner, and son. A lot of people though, get what I call ‘Net balls’. They say exactly what they’re thinking, without worrying about the consequences of what they’re saying they are exceptionally rude, and probably do the same in real life. Okay they’re not hiding who they are but is that really how you want to come across to someone you’ve just met?
And exactly when, did it become okay to tell people to F off, or P off etc as a matter of course, what happened to please, thankyou, excuse me, pardon? When did it become, give me this or that? Or someone moving aside for you on the path so you can get past and instead of saying thank you, giving them a dirty glare because they dared to be walking in the opposite direction of you in the first place. Or shoving past someone instead of saying ‘excuse me’ so they know you’re behind them and they need to move, when did it become okay to do this? When did it become okay to say ‘What?!’ when someone asks you something and you don’t hear them instead of ‘pardon, what did you say?’ It certainly wasn’t the way I was brought up and it will not be the way I bring up my son, but how am I supposed to teach him to use manners, and keep using them if no-one else does?
I will probably come back to this….but that’s all for now.
